The Idiot's Guide To Unrequited Love
by SemperFiNeverForget051909
Summary: Tony and Ziva seek the Idiot's Guide to Unrequited Love...to, well, deal with what they think is unrequited love.//Chapter 1: Avoid hangout places they frequent.//TIVA!


**AN 1: Just a random surge of imagination, while Idiot's Guide books were on my mind.**

**AN 2: Fanfic is inspired by: [Go to my profile page and you will find the link there. It's on the tips/warnings section of the EHow article.]**

**AN 3: So.... this is another multi-chaptered fic that I'm not confident about. All I could guarantee you, my fellow readers, is that this would get a happy TIVA ending. Reviews; constructive criticism are welcome. Just....tell me what you think about it, because, in all my honesty, I feel that this is mediocre. Nope, it didn't make me happy. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to...but whatever. It was more of a free-writing session for me. Anyway, please, tell me what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I promise I'll return them by midnight. The Idiot's Guide? Not mine either. And in case you're wondering if such self-help book exists [Idiot's Guide To Unrequited Love], it doesn't. However, the IGT Law of Attraction does.  
**

* * *

**Step 1.**

_Avoid seeing him/her. Some situations are unavoidable, such as if you work together or have a class together, but avoid going to the same hangouts or other social places you know he/she frequents…_

* * *

For people like you, who have known each other for more or less 5 years, this could be a little tricky. Aside from the fact that you are co-workers and sit only 3 feet away from each other, you are partners as well. Endless hours are spent in close proximity and you find it hard to keep breathing. Your boss sends the two of you to pick up witnesses/suspects. You go on stakeouts together all the time. Even on overseas work-related trips, the same person's always the one who goes with you.

Well, duh. That's why you're called partners. Partners do almost everything with one another. Partners go through thick and thin and does not leave the other behind. It's given that when one of you is in trouble, the first person who knows and lends out a helping hand is your partner. You have faith in that person so much that you trust her/ him not to let you get shot in the field while chasing down suspects. If ever one of you does get a bullet somewhere in the body, you expect the other to stay by your side until back up arrives and paramedics speed you to the hospital. And when you reach the hospital, he/she wouldn't leave until everyone's sure that everything would be okay. And even if it won't, he/she won't give up easily, even if the doctors would tell him/her that they've done everything they can but there's just no way you could've survived and they start wheeling your body down the morgue, but not before you could think that the next time you'd probably see him/her is when your corpse is lying peacefully in your casket and that your soul's watching from Up Above, waiting for the Final Goodbye.

Because that's what partners do. Watch each other's backs. Take care of one another.

Maybe you are not just partners, but you are also friends. But That's Just It. You draw the lines between Professional (Co-Workers), Personal (Friends) and Too-Personal-Intimate (Lovers).

The former two could merge, but please, if you do not want to jeopardize your relationship, avoid blurring the Professional-Platonic (co-workers and at the same time, friends)border with the Romantic one. Especially if it's just One-Sided Romance.

* * *

**For Him: **

When the girl you love does not feel the same way or is just plain oblivious, avoid seeing her. At all costs. Even if she's your co-worker. Even if she's your partner. When it's time to leave the office, go somewhere you're sure she does not hang out in, may it be the bar 3 blocks away from your office or the grocery store she shops at. The last thing you'd want is to see her with her James-Dean-look-alike-boyfriend, who is a lot more handsome and sexier than you are, or once have been, for that matter.

You might say that you have the power to get laid nightly. That you could make every woman succumb to your charms. However, the object of your affection is not just like any other girl. Compared to the thousands of ladies of all ages you've slept with, She's got more class. She possesses more self-control than you give her credit for. She could resist your Cheap Brand of Charm with just a bat of an eyelash.

Because, let's face it. You're not James Dean. You're not the kind of guy that women like her fall for. You just don't have what it takes. Not the body, not the personality. Not the Bad Boy Attitood. You're just an NCIS Agent, and as Very Special as you'd like to think, you're just not as…_special as whoever holds her heart at this moment._

* * *

**For Her:**

Do not let what he does not notice kill you. Ignore it. Avoid him. Avoid his favorite hangout places. Avoid his frat buddies. You know that he spends his nights off bar-hopping in town with his posse, in search for the next lamb to fall victim to his wolfish antics. You know what he does best. He changes girls like he changes his underwear. You would never want to catch him in a million years, in the middle of a performance, giving his new busty-n-blond girlfriend the best-ever fuck a girl could ever have, and on the dance floor, no less.

You know that you have the looks, you have the appeal to make all men get down on their knees just to be graced by the wonder that you are. Unfortunately, the one you have your sights for is desensitized to whatever hints you drop. You wonder how he is not bothered by your presence, but when another woman comes along, he gets preoccupied by nothing else but the Lucky One Who Has Caught His Attention For Tonight. You disappear into the background completely while his whole being is being consumed by someone else and when the next morning comes, the same process takes place once again; he gets some, the lucky woman gets some, while you recede in the corners.

Because the truth is, he's got standards, even for a chauvinistic pig that he is. You're not blond, and neither are you busty. You just don't have what he always looks for. You're just an NCIS Agent, and no matter how you convince yourself that for him, you're not just an ex-assassin chick who used to kill for a living…as much as you'd like him to know that there's this side of you just waiting to be uncovered…you're just not as…_lucky as the women who are fortunate to even get his attention._

**

* * *

**

**AN 4: As I've said in the previous note, I'm confident about this [I am starting to question the abilities of my imagination, guys] but please.....sound off in the reviews. I need ideas. Anything would make my day. Feel free to point out anything; whether this chapter sucked or not. Loved it? Hated it? Should I continue this? [Now on the verge of hysteria]**

**Review, please.**


End file.
